Mas qu'é esta m3rda?!
Da ultima vez que estive em Portugal os jogos da Liga Portuguesa eram a Super Liga e acho que eram patrocinados pela GALP...acho! Nao deixava de ser um nome caricato, mas pelo menos era em Português.
Agora Carlsburg CUP?! Até parece que jà não é futebol! Passou a ser uma cena de golf tipo o MASTERS CUP! Porra, pelo menos podiam ter dito Taça Carlsburg! Epa e mesmo assim um gajo ficava a pensar a mesma coisa que antes ou entao pensava que era um concurso de cerveja!
Dizem eles que é para inovar! Porque nao a Bob Esponja Cup ja agora?!
E a taça é desenhada pelo Arquitecto Santiago Calatrava! Epa esses nabos là sabem quem é o Santiago! Para quem não sabe ainda é o gajo que desenhou a Gare do Oriente!
Pronto ja disse a minha m3rda por hoje! Engraçado como ver a RTP Internacional pode ser fonte de tanta porcaria sem cabimento que se passa em Portugal...Inovação my white ass!
Como este blog não é engraçado não se esqueçam de re-ler algumas passagens do anterior... é de se borrar a rir!
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Cuidado na leitura! Uma boa meia hora a rir so nos primeiros paragrafos!!!
Epa, vocês lembram-se daquele sketch dos Monty Pithon's da "piada mais engraçada do mundo"? Aquela que as pessoas que liam, riam tanto que morriam! Aquela em que quando se decidiu utilizar a piada na guerra contra os alemães, os cientistas nao podiam ler mais de duas palavras e o unico gajo que leu ficou 2 semanas em coma antes de morrer.
Para mim este texto enviado pelo Ricardo, tem o mesmo espirito! Mas para que funcione tentem imaginar o Frank...senão conseguem imaginar têm de ir a um bom indiano e comer o mais picante que eles tenham para là! Boa Sorte e boa Leitura!
For non-South Africans:
Natal is the province in South
Africa with the highest concentration of Indians.
Durban is the capital city there with Pietermaritzburg
being the second largest city in the region.
For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is.
They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July.
It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in
Pietermaritzburg. Judge #3
was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was
visiting from America.
*Frank:* "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a
judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called
in sick at the last moment and I happened to be
standing there at the judge's table asking for
directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in.
I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians)
that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and,
besides, they told me I could have free beer during
the tasting, so I accepted".
*Here are the scorecard notes from the event:** *
*CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY*
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing
kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this
stuff? You could remove dried paint from your
driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I
hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.
*CHILI # 2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY*.
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight
chilli tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers
to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain.
I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me
the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more
beer when they saw the look on my face.
*CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE"*
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium spill.
My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner.
Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer
before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now
my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm
getting pissed from all the beer.
*CHILI # 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY...** *
Judge # 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice.
Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good
side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a
curry.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my
tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to
burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beermaid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg
woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear
waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?
*CHILI # 5 LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...** *
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers
freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very
impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more
tomato. Must admit the chilli peppers make a strong
statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off
my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I
farted and four people behind me needed paramedics.
The contestant seemed offended when I told her that
her chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my
tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it
from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me
to stop screaming. Screw them
*CHILI # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...** *
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry.
Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers,
onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe
filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am
definitely going to shit myself if I fart and I'm
worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems
inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can't
feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a
snow cone ice cream.
*CHILI # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY...*
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance
on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally
threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment.
(I should take note at this stage that I am worried
about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of
distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull
the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight
in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of
rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which
slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of
lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy,
they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop
breathing - it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not
getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just
suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
*CHILI # 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...** *
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend
curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its
existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced
curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most
of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell
over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder
how he'd have reacted to really hot curry?
Judge # 3 - No Report
Borraram-se! Espero bem que sim!
Para mim este texto enviado pelo Ricardo, tem o mesmo espirito! Mas para que funcione tentem imaginar o Frank...senão conseguem imaginar têm de ir a um bom indiano e comer o mais picante que eles tenham para là! Boa Sorte e boa Leitura!
For non-South Africans:
Natal is the province in South
Africa with the highest concentration of Indians.
Durban is the capital city there with Pietermaritzburg
being the second largest city in the region.
For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is.
They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July.
It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in
Pietermaritzburg. Judge #3
was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was
visiting from America.
*Frank:* "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a
judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called
in sick at the last moment and I happened to be
standing there at the judge's table asking for
directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in.
I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians)
that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and,
besides, they told me I could have free beer during
the tasting, so I accepted".
*Here are the scorecard notes from the event:** *
*CURRY # 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY*
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing
kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this
stuff? You could remove dried paint from your
driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I
hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.
*CHILI # 2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY*.
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight
chilli tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers
to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain.
I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me
the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more
beer when they saw the look on my face.
*CURRY # 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE"*
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium spill.
My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner.
Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer
before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now
my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm
getting pissed from all the beer.
*CHILI # 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY...** *
Judge # 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice.
Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good
side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a
curry.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my
tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to
burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beermaid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg
woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear
waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?
*CHILI # 5 LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...** *
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers
freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very
impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more
tomato. Must admit the chilli peppers make a strong
statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off
my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I
farted and four people behind me needed paramedics.
The contestant seemed offended when I told her that
her chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my
tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it
from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me
to stop screaming. Screw them
*CHILI # 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...** *
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry.
Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers,
onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe
filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am
definitely going to shit myself if I fart and I'm
worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems
inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can't
feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a
snow cone ice cream.
*CHILI # 7 - SELINA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY...*
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance
on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally
threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment.
(I should take note at this stage that I am worried
about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of
distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull
the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight
in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of
rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which
slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of
lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy,
they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop
breathing - it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not
getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just
suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
*CHILI # 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY...** *
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend
curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its
existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced
curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most
of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell
over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder
how he'd have reacted to really hot curry?
Judge # 3 - No Report
Borraram-se! Espero bem que sim!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Pointless Book Club
Recomendação da semana:
"Don´t have to tell me, mate', said Mickey, shaking his head. ' I wrote the fucking book, didn´t I? Look at my littlest, Abdul-Jimmy. Up in juvenile court next week for swiping fucking VW medallions. I says to 'im, you fucking stupid or sommink? What the fuck is the point of that? At least steal the fucking car, if that's the way you feel about it. I mean, why? 'E says it's sommink to do wiv some fucking Beetie Boys or some such bollocks. Well, I says to him, that lot are dead as shit if I get hold of 'em, and I can tell you that for fucking nothing. No sense of tradition, no fucking morality, is the problem."
"White Teeth", by Zadie Smith.
"Don´t have to tell me, mate', said Mickey, shaking his head. ' I wrote the fucking book, didn´t I? Look at my littlest, Abdul-Jimmy. Up in juvenile court next week for swiping fucking VW medallions. I says to 'im, you fucking stupid or sommink? What the fuck is the point of that? At least steal the fucking car, if that's the way you feel about it. I mean, why? 'E says it's sommink to do wiv some fucking Beetie Boys or some such bollocks. Well, I says to him, that lot are dead as shit if I get hold of 'em, and I can tell you that for fucking nothing. No sense of tradition, no fucking morality, is the problem."
"White Teeth", by Zadie Smith.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Mind the gap between the platform and the train
Engraçado como as pessoas tornam os sítios mais ou menos interessantes. Londres começa a perder algum brilho à medida que os amigos deixam a cidade.
PS - Estou de volta.
PS2 - O próximo post será escrito em alemão. Ou swahili.
PS - Estou de volta.
PS2 - O próximo post será escrito em alemão. Ou swahili.
Monday, June 18, 2007
blocage psychologique de l'ecrivain...
ça fait quelques moments que je ne viens au blog pour écrire.
la raison est simple! je n'ai rien, mais rien de rien de drôle à dire ou à écrire.
ce fait reléve un probléme parce que je sens que je ne contribue plus pour la communauté. chose que n'est tout à fait pas fausse!
c'est vrai que je suis tout le temps chez moi, dans un appartement trés lumineux, je fais le ménage, la vaissele et finalment je passe la journée entre la Playstation 2 et cette nouvelle fléau infernal que est le MSN!
donc j'ai décidé d'écrire ce blog en français pour montrer à mes amis que je sais écrire en français, malgré mon accent pourri, quand je parle!
bonne journée à tous!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Lá vai Lisboa
O que leva milhares de pessoas a juntar-se nas mesmas ruas, andar aos encontrões, pagar balúrdios por uma refeição, embrenhados num cheiro de sardinha e febras, sem que haja um objectivo definido, senão o de tentar chegar de um lado ao outro de um bairro através de um mar de gente? Das duas, uma: ou um pretexto para beber até cair para o lado, ou então a intenção de celebrar a história e o pulsar genuíno desta cidade fantástica em que vivemos.
Lá vai Lisboa.
Lá vai Lisboa.
Friday, June 08, 2007
A star is born
Parabéns ao nosso 'ghost writer' RQ pela menção honrosa no concurso dos Blasted Mechanism. O Pointless está orgulhoso. You the man.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Crónica de um desabafo
Pequeno post, para um pequeno desabafo. Sou só eu, ou está toda a gente farta do Gonçalo Cadilhe? Para quem não reconhece o nome, passo a explicar: é um "aventureiro" que todas as semanas escreve na revista do Expresso sobre as viagens que faz, que são sempre do género: "Como ir do sul ao norte de África com apenas uma caixa de fósforos e um chupa-chupa?" Ou "Como dar a volta ao mundo apanhando boleia em trotinetes?" E claro, as crónicas todas são do estilo, "eu sou muito bom, sou um verdadeiro Indiana Jones, e vocês não conhecem o mundo como eu". Pois onde alguns vêem aventura e um romantismo quixotesco nestas crónicas, eu vejo um atestado de estupidez. Estamos em 2007. Queres ir de Lisboa às Filipinas? - COMPRA UM BILHETE DE AVIÃO!
PS- Citando o meu amigo RQ, só há uma coisa a dizer : "Bloody hippies."
PS- Citando o meu amigo RQ, só há uma coisa a dizer : "Bloody hippies."
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